The second meaning for me is very difficult to listen to at times. It has to do with the relationship I had with my mother. The last night when the doctor told my father and I that she would die in an hour maybe five hours (they were keeping her alive with drugs-she had a d.N.R.- her sickly body was so frail that cpr would not be possible anyway). I would walk out to the car and listen to a rush of blood to the head. Then when I felt strong enough I would go back to her room. I was in my late twenties when I had a severe problem with substance abuse.
This took it's toll on my mother. Mentally, physically, financially and monetarily.' Running in cirles.' 'coming back as we were.' My repeated attempts to drink like a normal person(not to mention drugs) 'nobody said it was easy.'
Trying to get back the healthy adult relationship we had. And most of all watching her take her last breath and dealing with her death. 'i'm going back to the start.'
Wishing things could go back to the way they were before the damage I caused-that she chose to endure due to unconditional love. 'tell you I'm sorry.' I never got the chance. ' come back to haunt me.' Regret, remorse about what I could not change before she died.
'tell me you love me.' When I didn't feel I deserved it she randomly said: 'I love you.'